My New Year's Resolution

It seems that you can't go about celebrating a new year without everyone in the world (aka America) adopting resolutions. These resolutions range from the clichéd "loose weight", "get a job", or "get out of debt"; to the more exotic ones like "learn to ride a motorcycle", "sleep ten hours a night", or even "get laid more often". While I could greatly benefit from all of these, I never pick them. Considering that roughly 88% of resolutions end in failure[*], one has to wonder why anyone bothers at all. The answer is simple: Resolutions blind our failures while shining a bright spotlight on our assumed potential possibilities. It is comfortable to look back and say "Wow, I gained a tonzillion pounds this year, but just you watch, next year it's going to be all different!". Of course the new year typically ends up being just like the previous thereby continuing an infinite loop of disappointment. At this point you should be asking (and if not, go ahead and do it now): "If you truly feel this way, why would you ever take part in this tradition of doom?" Simple: I make my resolution knowing full well that I am going to fail and I expect nothing.

While most people get greedy and make a long list of resolutions, I only have one:

1. Be less Glennish.

This means that whenever I am presented with a situation I shall do the opposite of what my brain wants me to do. This is based on the realization that the only thing keeping me down is myself. It doesn't necessarily mean I don't like who I am (I'm adorable!), I just want to experience things differently without having to resort to hallucinogens or trepanation.[*]

With that out of the way, I wish all of you (yes even you) a Happy New Year and I hope whichever lucky charm or deity you've attached yourself to, brings you joy, prosperity and satchel upon satchel of money.