So you have decided to become a Two-Faced-Self-Centered-Bitch? We here at derMonitor have spent the past two weeks-or-so researching this subject; therefore we believe it is our right to publish this guide.
If you decide to be a two-faced-self-centered-bitch we recommend that you begin by talking behind people's back. A journal is a good place to do this. Besides, what are the chances someone will read it? Jot down all your true feelings in this journal, then when sociliazing in person with the people you wrote about, act completely the opposite. Thus, the two-faced part is achieved. To achieve the self-centered part you have to get the mentallity that you are the one and only true supreme being and everyone else should be happy to cross your path. If someone refuses to do you a favor, treat them as if you have condemed them to hell since they have acted against the wishes of the one and only two-faced-self-centered bitch. Sadly, there is nothing you can do to achieve the "bitch" status. This can only be awarded to you when the people you have talked about in your secret journal discover it, and end up hating you.
Congrats, If you have followed this guide you are now an official "two-faced-self-centered-bitch." Most people hate you know, but remember it does not matter since you are the only important person in the world.